Transform Fear Into Trust Using Breathwork.
This week's musical tune to compliment the {field note} below as you read or do what you please: Jam Here.
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-- in which case, you fail by default." - J.K.Rowling
here i was,
in the red rocks
when i received notice
that i would be moving
a tiny house on wheels
all within ten days time.
i had no idea where i would go
or what i would do.
i was over 1700 miles away
from where i needed to be
to get things in place + order.
throughout the week
+ each minute passing
i questioned how i could move
this life i've been building the past year behind-the-scenes
the retreat - one nail at a time
the style - one thread at a time
the book - one page at a time
the blog - one {field note} at a time
i drank from a black mug that seemingly starred back at me...
the mug contained a sharp contrasting white lettered quote
penned from the "-unknown"
& asked me,
"what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
i sat with the question... the tea... the coffee... all that ever encompassed the mug.
it reminded me of a week prior
in maui, hawaii
doing an off-the-grid,
steep as heck
free-climb
down volcanic rock
for the first time.
as i approached the cliff-side edge,
there was an instant realization
that this was the real deal
with all of me, my hesitant legs + the rocks.
on the descend, there were many times
i would pause to collect my bearings.
in the middle of an intersection between left or right,
i also wondered what random rock formation
could potentially sculpt my foot + act as handholds next.
with every climb different,
loose flakes in between,
i had a commitment to this wall
that appeared to be created just for climbing.
there was a deep interaction in & of the moment
that took place
that i am here, + here
+ here...
despite the complexities of such potentialities of falling
& that nature and i are totally intertwined on the edge.
a feeling of fear experienced on the climb
felt similar to what i was experiencing with
the unknown
of such a sudden move + life change
there was very little time to think before moving.
searching for another place to grip onto momentarily
i just had to trust
for just one.more.step.
here,
like dust in the wind...
fear felt as if it was blowing away.
the end was in sight!
below me, a serene, natural + calm ocean tidepool...
i jumped into the water.
another step forward,
a last minute flight was booked back to the northwoods.
tired with a mind that was yearning for wide open space,
me + all of my wanderlust landed for the sixth time in one month
with wings once again grounded on the earth.
my first day back in wisconsin
was a happening collection before my eyes
of old vinyl siding from the 90's
soon to get a repurposed life
courtesy of the old moullette development & group.
not knowing how to install vinyl siding before the day began,
i sat with the materials
just as i had with the black mug
& every YouTube video i had watched over time
drifted far,
far away from mind...
for here i was
in unknown territory again.
i held my first piece of upcycled almond vinyl in my hands
+ prayed that i wouldnt fail + screw this thing up.
there's only so much siding
+ it has to protect the wood sheathing underneath.
when the tiny house travels down the road...
oh my,
please may this siding stay intact.
one layer of siding after another,
+ i still didnt know where the tiny would be going,
or how it's 38 feet would get moved.
all i knew was i just had to keep moving
+ i had 4 days until it needed to move.
after hammering my thumb
+ cutting my skin up on it's tanning surface,
the vinyl siding was locked in + complete...
as i breathe into this colored canvas, my heart is full.
for i am gratefully humbled by family + friends who came together
to make it all happen.
this time spent was definitely a shared capsule for the memory book...
so meaningful to me
+
exhilarating + rewarding like the tidepool below the cliffside.
....
two days until the big move.
i reminded myself to keep calm,
to just breathe
even when the framing doesn't quite fit on the wall
& the pieces of the puzzle havent quite come together yet...
the last full day of moving came by ever so quickly.
as i was on my last energy thread
mentally
physically
emotionally
spiritually
i continued the move +
boxing things up.
still questioning
while trying my best to put everything in it's own place + order,
I NEEDED ANSWERS
+ i needed them Now.
then like wildfire, everything clicked.
seemingly magical
+ of the moment
everything moved.
from a 10 day notice that i need to move,
to a change of plans,
a last minute flight,
+ lots of building in between,
my life moved in 24 hours time.
after a sunset + an iced thumb,
continuing the movement
to dream.build.breathe.repeat. & T R A V E L
i must.
even when i dont have everything all figured out
i must keep fear in the backseat by the potato chips.
i must keep moving forward through all of life's risks.
on this adventure of a ride
i am in the drivers seat
& through one field after another,
whether i be traveling through new land, sea, or in my very own backyard,
i'm going to continue to fail.
so i cheers with a black mug of inspiration
quoted from the -unknown
to us...
to fail spectacularly
to climb new heights
to jump into liberating water
time & again.
The fieldwork exercise I come back to time and again when I'm navigating unknown territory, is the breath. Breathwork is simple, yet so powerful. When we bring awareness to the breath, we are able to reconnect with a sense of trust; as if everything is going to work out the way it should, just like the breath continues to do for us too.
Here are a few breathwork techniques that I used to work through the above experiences.
When I began to feel a sense of overwhelm, questioning how I was going to move within ten days, I needed to calm the nervous system and focus on the present moment. What you can do when overwhelm arises is count the breath on an inhale, from 1-to-4, slowing it down, and then pause the breath at the top. Feel into the space you're creating for an additional 4 seconds, and feel the lungs expand. Then slowly exhale on the same four count breath you did on an inhale. Repeat as necessary, and increase the numbers of your counting if it feels right to you and your body.
When I began to feel fear come up as I was free climbing, I would gradually lean into the fear, just like the rock my foot was leaning into. When you begin to feel any amount of fear, or other uncomfortable emotion arise, pause and take a deep breath in. Feel your belly rise and fall as you then exhale in a controlled manner. Allow yourself to be present to that emotion, experiencing it without rejection or judgement. Locate where you feel it most in your body, and explore it. And on each exhale through the nose, imagine the fear exhaling through the nostrils. Continue until it dissipates.
Breathwork can be good for so many other things! Try one or both of the above techniques at any time. You can be lying down or standing, sitting, or walking. The most important way to reap the benefits is to develop consistency and repetition... so you can climb any cliff, and continue taking the road less traveled!
What a ride of a lifetime! Did you see the tiny house on wheels cruisin’ down the Wisconsin back roads? I was right behind it with my head peeking out of a rolled down car window, excited as a dog with a smile I just couldn’t hide (watch video here.)
After the reclaimed vinyl siding figured its way onto the exterior walls and Swan Studio got moved to new territory, there were a few days Mother Nature blessed us with sunshine to put up more of the exterior siding.
So here I am, chillin’ on my makeshift tiny house stoop taking a self-portrait with the new reclaimed cedar vinyl shakes in place!
The shakes are left over from other housing projects through the years that didn’t make way to finding a home. After rummaging through the material and its different colors, I picked up a gallon of “Urban Bronze” and went to town painting these bad boys.
Checking in with myself, I wanted to make sure this movement would continue as smooth, seamless and adventuresome as possible, preferably with as little paint fumes as possible! Taking a moment to ask how I felt, my wrists were definitely going through a rough phase of feeling like I developed pre-arthritis from all the seemingly endless layers of lines that one 2.5 inch brush goes over… and over, and over. So I stopped, sat in the grass with the ladybugs and created space to dream of where I'd travel to next.
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